The scary:
Eric is having some deeper issues with his Diabetes. He is actually being considered as a Type 3 Diabetic, though that isn't an "official" type as of yet. This is where his body does not produce insulin, but it is developing resistance to his artificial insulin he receives through his pump. The medication for this is a doozy. His stomach hurts constantly from it, but hopefully it will get better with time. We have been trying to make changes for a better lifestyle recently, but this sort of gave us the extra encouragement we needed to truly stick to our plan.
The exciting:
We went through a situation recently with a friend that opened my eyes to a lot of things. Things I already knew, but honestly didn't think about all that often. Those things? The fact that we are children of a merciful, loving, caring Father. Often we do not deserve the grace and blessings He gives us. But He gives it anyways. He created us to be in community with other believers. This was something I truly never experienced until I moved to Arkadelphia. Sure, I went to Sunday School and Wednesday night youth meetings, but in those I never truly found community. We have been involved in community groups in both of the churches we have attended while here. And those groups are so, so good for my heart. To truly have community with others is a great feeling! To pray for each other, to see when those prayers are answered and when they are not, to go through the highs and lows of life together, to laugh together. That is what God intended for His children. I am so excited to see this community keep growing and relationships continue to be formed and strengthened.
Eric was just hired on at a church in Longview, Texas to write their small group material (again, community. It's a great thing!). Before anyone frets, my family specifically, he is doing this from Arkadelphia. No move in the too near future. Eric is really excited about this. He loves to talk about theology. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, he longs to have deep theological conversations and very rarely am I up to speed with him. With this job, he will get to write these things down and share them with a church for them to use weekly. To say that he is excited about this opportunity would be an understatement.
The stressful:
Work has been a killer for me here lately. I'm not sure why. Or how to change it. Don't get me wrong, I still love what I do. I love working with students. I love seeing their excitement about college and what the Lord will do in their lives. I love Ouachita. I love what we teach and the community (key word today, huh?) that is built. I love the concept of my job. Meeting students, telling them about Ouachita, watching them fall in love with this place that has shaped me. It really is a great job. But the more I look to the future, the more confused I become.
Growing up, my mom was a stay at home mom. And I loved every single second of that. She took a part time job when I was in high school, but only after my family discussed it and agreed it would be a great thing for us. And my mom would still be able to attend all of my important events. When I am a mother, I want that. Who knows if we will ever be in a position for that to be a possibility. But it's what I truly want. With my job now, I travel a lot. I live out of a suitcase in the fall. I work some nights and weekends. When I become a mom, I do not want this. Maybe this is why work has been hard for me lately. Actually, I think it is exactly why. The more I daydream about starting a family, the more of a struggle my job becomes. I don't know what this means. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe I'm creating fears. I know I am creating stress. Ultimately, I have to be employed full time while Eric is in Seminary. And that's that. I just talked about how we have a Father who provides. I need to stop stressing and worrying and rely on Him to open doors or give me the strength to see that I can do what I love and be a mother.
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